forward.

Things feel real easy and I’m trying my best not to question it. Normally, for the most part, I feel like there is a faint headwind in my life. It’s light but consistent. Always there, pushing ever so slightly against whatever I am trying to do. I don’t like to talk about it because it […]

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my MS fixer upper.

My MS body reminds me of a reno on Fixer Upper. This show already went off-air 2 years ago but I of course just started getting hooked. Late to every trend party I am completely unashamed. I am looking to buy a house in a state that is considerably more affordable than the one in […]

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shake, shake go away.

My love of rain is helping my night tremors. Before I even realized my body was shaking and vibrating while I sleep, I began using a rain app at night. I absolutely love the sound of water. Droplets on a tin roof, pouring rain on a city street, the delicate pitter-patter against a window, pellets […]

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departing Gifts.

MS has got me thinking about my career and future in the workplace. I currently have a high-stress, C-level position and like any decent California earthquake, it is beginning to forge little cracks. Cracks in my skin and in my emotional armor, but much less noticeably, cracks in my passion for working. My parents forgot […]

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the great adaptation.

My company is making me use my vacation time and I am learning. It’s totally fair. I don’t ever take enough time off and I have now racked up enough days to gift a trip to a small army. I get it. Paid vacation is not to be taken for granted and I don’t… but […]

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everyone has something.

I wrote a love letter to Selma Blair. Okay, not a love letter exactly but I finally wrote to the human that has been our most prominent public MS mascot since… I don’t know. Montel? Mr. Williams was quite impactful on Oprah in 2009. Actually, Jack Osbourne is very outspoken and an awesome MS champion […]

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me, myself, and I.

As Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford would say, sometimes you’ve just got to treat. yo. self. This particular Parks and Rec lesson has taken me a bit longer to learn. Maybe because I spent a significant amount of time around a grandmother who gave her entire heart away to everyone and anyone who needed it. […]

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human in training.

Living with Multiple Sclerosis while adopting a 7 month-old rescue dog is humbling. So if you were wondering why my poor sweet blog, which I love more than anything, has been left alone to wither for more than 2 months… well, puppy’s out of the bag. For my birthday this January, I welcomed a perfect […]

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can you Hear the love?

So this one time, at MS camp, a surgeon temporarily removed most of my ear. And I didn’t realize it until after I woke up. Yep, it’s finally time to tell that story. Because lately, I’ve been feeling a bit sad. A little stuck. Slightly down in the dumps I guess you could say. I’ve […]

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the religion of food.

My mom passed away two years ago and I almost called her twice this week. When incredible or horrific things happen in my life, I still have this urge to call. When I say urge, I mean I literally forget for 1 micro-second that she is no longer available to me on this Earth and […]

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Hold Your Fire.

My community is on fire and so is my heart. I may have a chronic illness and I may have chronic dating problems in Los Angeles, but I have formed a group of friends that are solid and loyal and full of love. We are all so very different, but we are there for one […]

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MS suffrage.

I had a very long, insightful conversation with a stranger and it got me wondering about my rights. The 6th day of November, 2018. Mid-terms Day, Voting Day, Election Day… Human Rights Day, in a sense. It is our special right to vote and we all know it. You see it everywhere you turn this […]

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think Higher, feel Deeper

Rock climbing documentaries are teaching me about dating. I recently saw two incredible movies which document jaw-dropping feats of the rock climbing world. If you love movies and want to be inspired check them out asap – links below. I went to these screenings certain I was in for exciting stories of men defying all […]

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The Last Stronghold.

I am actively working on getting better at letting go. I have been for some time now. My best friend from high school and I sometimes talk about who we used to be and the things we used to do. An example that gets brought up often is the obsession I had with money. I […]

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the Butterfly Effect

I probably think about The Sound of Thunder more often than most. Or Sliding Doors. Well not really the movie – because it was terrible – but the concept certainly pops into my thoughts again and again. I have always loved the idea that if we turn left down the street instead of right, or if […]

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Let’s Meet.

Everyone needs support. When I first got diagnosed I had an amazing friend with me the whole time, who let me lean on his shoulder and cry and then laugh and look at each other stunned… he shared lots of emotions with me that day. I could not be more grateful to have such wonderful […]

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Eyes Ahead.

Paddle boarding is like living with MS. Ever since being diagnosed ~ 16 months ago already ~ I have been pushing my body. To become more and more healthy, but also to explore outdoor activities and sports I’ve always wanted to try. Besides, if you’ve got Multiple Sclerosis, you can never get enough Vitamin D. […]

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Jump.

I was born an extremely fearless person. Ok, well I am not really what you would call a “risk-taker.” I am naturally quite cautious. My mom would say she never had to worry about me because when I was very little I would stop my tricycle 4 feet from the edge of our two-story deck. […]

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Tuesday.

I had a super crappy day. What happened today exactly? Looking back at it in its entirety at 9:30pm… well, nothing really. We’ve all had them; those days when everything is frustrating and awful and annoying from the very moment you wake up. Every person you interact with is a total moron and you feel […]

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My ex is back.

We’re back together and it’s better than ever. When I was in college I smoked weed almost every single day. This allowed me to tightly draw the shades over my deepest 20-year-old issues living in NYC with no money and no confidence. Waitressing for $1100 per week didn’t seem to go anywhere. Unable to afford […]

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mind over muscles.

My trainer says I’m super strong. I have Multiple Sclerosis so I have to work out. A lot. When you are diagnosed with MS everyone is very clear; working out helps heal MS. The more I strengthen, the more my muscles will continue to support me. The harder I work out, the more I can […]

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a Single disease.

Everyone with MS has a partner. At least it feels that way. Sometimes. I follow and read several MS blogs now, and there is one recurring theme that I just cannot relate to; how it involves their partners. This is not necessarily a complaint. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. We all know that the […]

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Guilt.

I have Multiple Sclerosis and I feel guilty. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, and I hear this might be pretty normal. The topic of “MS and Guilt” has appeared in quite a few online articles lately and with good reason. I feel guilty because I am too tired to do anything […]

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Attention: silence.

Meditation is hard. I am positive the biggest life lesson of my 30s was learning to meditate and learning to love it. Now I crave meditation like I crave pizza, but it was quite the journey getting there. For the first 4 years it was similar to the gym. You know you’ll feel amazing afterward, […]

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i ❤️ steroids

Steroids are a real bitch. Okay, maybe I should start that over by first putting a huge thank you out into the universe because without steroids I would be blind in my right eye, and who knows what else. Steroids are a miracle drug that immediately reduce dangerous inflammation and are a genius invention that […]

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Up In Smoke.

I was brainwashed to be a smoker. I remember my first cigarette – so incredibly disgusting by the way – but I don’t remember the why behind it. I was with my childhood best friend Sarah and I do remember that we really liked to try “adult” things together. I feel like smoking was just […]

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MS Dating 911.

Dating. What a truly horrific thing to embark on in your 40s. Especially in Los Angeles. I have to be honest; most of the men here my age who don’t have a recently abandoned family are…mmmmm….not quite right. Something tends to be a bit off with these guys and it really doesn’t help when you […]

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buzz.

I grew up knowing I was different. We all are, in such fascinating and quirky ways. It is what new lovers spend nights whispering and giggling about over delivery in bed. Discovering the nooks and crannies of each others’ weirdly unique souls. And then there are some things you spend your whole life thinking are […]

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overcome.

I love movies. When they are well made or innovative or emotionally connected or all of the above, movies are my favorite thing of all the things. Last week I saw A Quiet Place and experienced something for the first time as a movie-lover. I felt the weight of the world, the stakes of a […]

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