Meditation is hard.

I am positive the biggest life lesson of my 30s was learning to meditate and learning to love it. Now I crave meditation like I crave pizza, but it was quite the journey getting there. For the first 4 years it was similar to the gym. You know you’ll feel amazing afterward, but Jesus if it isn’t the hardest 10 minute drive getting there.

It’s obvious when you are working out well. You sweat, you’re sore the next day, you feel tighter, you breathe hard while doing it. All clear indicators you are working out correctly. You are awesome at working out.

When I talk with people about meditation, I hear a lot of “I’m not good at that…” or “I can’t seem to turn my brain off…” and “I’m just not sure I’m doing it right.”

But there really isn’t a wrong way to do it. Sometimes I sit for 10 minutes and feel like I just got the best soul massage ever. Sometimes I meditate for 45 minutes and sit wide-eyed afterward wondering how my brain went in that many different directions. Sometimes I don’t feel anything at all. It’s practice; practicing paying attention to something that is right here, right now. Like your breath or better yet, those thoughts drifting in and out like lucid dreams.

What a gift to sit and not have to do anything for 45 minutes. What a gift to listen to the absolute insanity of our brains and observe how most of it is just silly ramblings that don’t deserve any credit. Our thoughts are professional story-tellers, babbling on incessantly about anything and everything to get our attention.

There’s a lot of fear and anxiety that comes with being diagnosed with MS.

Now I meditate every morning before I step out into the world. There’s a lot less room for fear and anxiety when you constantly tune in to watch and listen.