I had a super crappy day.

What happened today exactly? Looking back at it in its entirety at 9:30pm… well, nothing really. We’ve all had them; those days when everything is frustrating and awful and annoying from the very moment you wake up. Every person you interact with is a total moron and you feel like crap and you drop things or trip or forget something and only realize it once you are halfway to work and it’s too late to turn back.

Just one of those days. Tuesday.

And then, Tuesday night, after making dinner and watching some television with a glass of wine, it’s all totally ok. Not just ok; it’s spectacular.

I was not always like this. I used to hang onto my fear and anger and concentrate on a lack that felt insurmountable. I was just telling a friend that my 40s are definitely my favorite decade so far because of the ability to see a more expanded life view… but I don’t know. I think I might have to say another little thank you to MS for this one too.

Since being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis I see a broader scope. The impermanence and size and weight of the day and how utterly insignificant it all is. Cliches of gratefulness include being thankful for food and shelter and friends and family and love and health, and the cliches could not be closer to the truth. I am lucky. So very, very lucky. I literally just told a guy on a dating app that the thing that makes me most happy is that I still have my eyesight. And oh my god, it does.

Tomorrow is going to be an amazing day, I can feel it. I might be wrong, but at least I can fucking see.

Finally putting the crappy day to bed, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Well, if I could change one thing it would be that I didn’t need a disease to make me see the beautiful bigger picture. But I’ll take what I can get. Goodnight Tuesday.