My company is making me use my vacation time and I am learning.

It’s totally fair. I don’t ever take enough time off and I have now racked up enough days to gift a trip to a small army. I get it. Paid vacation is not to be taken for granted and I don’t… but for me the adaption took a little time. Not being able to finish projects and feeling constantly behind in my work are not things that lessen my stress.

I just got to Palm Springs. It’s very hot and I have many bathing suits and many books. I have already started reading in the pool and my brain flowed into a state of ease and relaxation and creative thinking in mere moments. I have been on forced vacation – here and there – since quarantine began and I have gently acquiesced.

And already I have been thinking about all of the ways life transforms. Subtle changes that you barely even notice: bodies aging, relationships morphing… normal every-day things slowly transforming into a different landscape. And we adapt. In fact, most of the time we barely notice.

As I sit here and type, my thumb stays perfectly straight. In order to avoid discomfort my hand has gotten used to it in just two weeks.

I run 3 to 4 miles almost every morning. Six months ago I would say to people that I just wasn’t born to be a runner. Yesterday I had to force myself to take a day off. I stared at my treadmill and had an internal battle for 5 minutes. It’s fascinating how we adapt.

I don’t remember a time when I didn’t have Multiple Sclerosis. I was diagnosed only 3 years and 2 months ago. I am proud of my body and embrace my disease as a part of me, as if I have always known it was there.

There is great change happening around us. Fear and loss and stress and anger and sorrow and excitement and hope and love and learning and fighting and forgiving are all present. Slowly, over time, our system, our setup, our “matrix” has been bubbling and cracking and bursting at the seams, gradually, ever-so slowly forcing a shift forward to this moment. Not nearly fast enough, not nearly gently enough. Changes many of us didn’t notice, or didn’t want to see. But the time is finally here and I am so hopeful that we will embrace it.

A re-working, a transformation, a remodeling so critical. We will adapt.