think Higher, feel Deeper

Rock climbing documentaries are teaching me about dating.

I recently saw two incredible movies which document jaw-dropping feats of the rock climbing world. If you love movies and want to be inspired check them out asap – links below. I went to these screenings certain I was in for exciting stories of men defying all odds and the triumph of the human spirit. Documentaries about death-defying ascents that make your palms sweaty and your heart race. What I did not expect were films about partnerships, purpose and love. Love for one another, love for your dreams, and love for a place or a goal that becomes your life. Love of purpose.

I recently dated a man who I believe to be a really good man. Kind, earnest, emotionally available… a complete unicorn in Los Angeles so I was feeling pretty lucky there for a moment. I also just ended this very brief relationship and after several explanations to friends about exactly “why” I didn’t want to give this great guy more of a chance, I’ve honed in on the simplest answer. Passion and purpose. I want to date a world-renowned climber. You know, or someone kind of similar.

The reason this good man was not a man for me – don’t worry, there is no way he is ever going to read this – is because he lacks purpose. A man who doesn’t really like his job or his hobbies, who at 38 years old is still completely wandering. A soul without a path or even a direction. And this is totally ok and probably the norm for many, but this is not the person for me.

Being diagnosed with MS has expanded my life view entirely and I am slowly coming to realize that this affects everything. Not just my health and my medical bills and my own spiritual growth, but who I want to spend valuable time with. Before Multiple Sclerosis I cared about “tall.” Now I am yearning for someone with their life shit together. Essentially, in the hierarchy of needs they should have passed through the “safety” tier and be moving on up to some self actualization shit. As if the LA dating pool wasn’t shallow enough as it is.

But I will be patient. I will continue to let this disease teach me about life and awareness and ways to change the lives of others. I will wake up every day with direction and drive towards something bigger and better. I will think higher and feel deeper. Yes, I stole that from Elie Wiesel because there is no better way to put it.

If climbers can do it, so can I. And there has to be a single guy somewhere out there who wants it just as badly as I do.

fb-share . The Dawn Wall

images . Free Solo

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