My MS body reminds me of a reno on Fixer Upper.

This show already went off-air 2 years ago but I of course just started getting hooked. Late to every trend party I am completely unashamed.

I am looking to buy a house in a state that is considerably more affordable than the one in which I currently live. Where I currently live is now only accessible to those with large dowry’s or families of influencers. So I’ve started doing some serious house-hunting for 2021 with all of the copious amounts of time I’ve had in 2020. And as home buyers often find, the possibility of taking on a cheap fixer upper has definitely crossed my mind.

There is temptation in taking something a bit worn out, a bit outdated and transforming it into a structure that represents exactly me. Using only my imagination to carve my dream home out of something completely unassuming… well it’s downright seductive.

And once you start down this brick paver path, there’s no turning back. I’m learning to see grand spaces where walls once stood. Widened doorways and extended windows, beams that accent and tiles that texture. For the first time in my life I am defining my style and my aesthetic self. Am I more craftsman, farmhouse, or industrial? Which rooms are most important because I have big plans for the master bathroom but a huge kitchen is something I know would bring me joy and do french doors fit in because god I’ve always, always wanted french doors. My head and my heart are overwhelmed.

And right at the center of these swirling ideas of new beginnings I cannot help but recognize the parallels.

Ever since being told I have Multiple Sclerosis, I have slowly begun stripping away layers of old wallpaper and placing beautiful crown molding around my frames. Week one of diagnosis I quit smoking and the year that followed I made meditation a priority. I’ve journaled and traveled and talked for hours in therapy. This year I discovered my inner runner, the athlete that was apparently hiding in the shadows. Over the past month I’ve considerably reduced how much alcohol I drink and it is true that I have never, ever felt better. Little improvements, bit by bit and the house just keeps getting updated.

I am using my imagination to carve my beautiful, healthy body out of something completely unassuming. And well… it’s downright seductive.