random acts Of Fear.

In my 20s I convinced myself I had drowned in a past life. We all have fears, yet some run deeper than others. Just like the mystery of MS, extra special phobias can seemingly come out of nowhere but feel like they are a part of our very core. Impenetrable and immovable, random but ever […]

Read More

okay, hold the Phone.

The word “okay” is incredibly underrated. Whenever I get a call or an email from someone newly diagnosed, I feel so privileged they have chosen to speak with me. To connect, to vent, to cry, to express anger, or to simply ask a few of the hundred questions we all have at the very beginning. […]

Read More

what MS feels like: a vaccination tale.

My second Covid vaccine shot delivered in more ways than one. I am just settling into my new home in rainy Texas, but I received both of my Covid vaccination shots in sunny California. Back in my old neighborhood, I was surrounded by anxious humans scrambling to get this vaccine. People cleverly and unabashedly figuring […]

Read More

forward.

Things feel real easy and I’m trying my best not to question it. Normally, for the most part, I feel like there is a faint headwind in my life. It’s light but consistent. Always there, pushing ever so slightly against whatever I am trying to do. I don’t like to talk about it because it […]

Read More

my MS fixer upper.

My MS body reminds me of a reno on Fixer Upper. This show already went off-air 2 years ago but I of course just started getting hooked. Late to every trend party I am completely unashamed. I am looking to buy a house in a state that is considerably more affordable than the one in […]

Read More

the balance.

Practicing restraint may be my biggest life challenge. I’ve been feeling so, so good. Generally speaking, since my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis. Generally speaking, since I crossed over 40 and my body began screaming for me to go to bed before 11pm and eat less junk. Generally speaking, I have been feeling great. Around the same […]

Read More

the great Mystery.

MS is the biggest mystery of my life. The cause and origin of Multiple Sclerosis are unknown and this drives me crazy. At what precise moment did this disease make my body its new home? Neurologists seem confident I contracted MS somewhere around the age of 16. I picture myself driving my ’84 silver Honda […]

Read More

Rage on Rivs.

I have never been so worried about a person I’ve never met. A few months ago I commented on Elan Gale’s IG post “you are my favorite person I have never met.” I don’t know Elan personally, but I have always found him to be funny and wise and kind of wonderful. I waved at […]

Read More

hot and cold.

A little MS birdie is whispering I might have to move to Hawaii. When I got diagnosed with MS, my fancy new neurologist told me three things. You have to quit smoking. Working out (and not smoking) are the only two natural things that have been proven to slow MS progression. Heat will make you […]

Read More

the great adaptation.

My company is making me use my vacation time and I am learning. It’s totally fair. I don’t ever take enough time off and I have now racked up enough days to gift a trip to a small army. I get it. Paid vacation is not to be taken for granted and I don’t… but […]

Read More

thumbs up

My thumb stopped working and I feel privileged. For the past two weeks, all I can think about are the privileges I enjoy. I have been brought to my knees. I have been overcome with tears and sobs. I have been infused with sorrow and rage. As my brain and my heart weigh and measure […]

Read More

the reality of the Situation.

My treadmill is making me question reality. 30 days in quarantine and I feel like I am staving off madness through travel. Travel via a 32″ screen attached to an oversized treadmill situated in an undersized bedroom. Yet I feel that I am actually exploring other countries. The persuasions our mind will create to survive. […]

Read More

human in training.

Living with Multiple Sclerosis while adopting a 7 month-old rescue dog is humbling. So if you were wondering why my poor sweet blog, which I love more than anything, has been left alone to wither for more than 2 months… well, puppy’s out of the bag. For my birthday this January, I welcomed a perfect […]

Read More

can you Hear the love?

So this one time, at MS camp, a surgeon temporarily removed most of my ear. And I didn’t realize it until after I woke up. Yep, it’s finally time to tell that story. Because lately, I’ve been feeling a bit sad. A little stuck. Slightly down in the dumps I guess you could say. I’ve […]

Read More

the religion of food.

My mom passed away two years ago and I almost called her twice this week. When incredible or horrific things happen in my life, I still have this urge to call. When I say urge, I mean I literally forget for 1 micro-second that she is no longer available to me on this Earth and […]

Read More

MS suffrage.

I had a very long, insightful conversation with a stranger and it got me wondering about my rights. The 6th day of November, 2018. Mid-terms Day, Voting Day, Election Day… Human Rights Day, in a sense. It is our special right to vote and we all know it. You see it everywhere you turn this […]

Read More

The Last Stronghold.

I am actively working on getting better at letting go. I have been for some time now. My best friend from high school and I sometimes talk about who we used to be and the things we used to do. An example that gets brought up often is the obsession I had with money. I […]

Read More

the Butterfly Effect

I probably think about The Sound of Thunder more often than most. Or Sliding Doors. Well not really the movie – because it was terrible – but the concept certainly pops into my thoughts again and again. I have always loved the idea that if we turn left down the street instead of right, or if […]

Read More

Jump.

I was born an extremely fearless person. Ok, well I am not really what you would call a “risk-taker.” I am naturally quite cautious. My mom would say she never had to worry about me because when I was very little I would stop my tricycle 4 feet from the edge of our two-story deck. […]

Read More

Step inside.

I never knew what Multiple Sclerosis was. Over the past year, I have found there are plenty of people who don’t really know much about this disease unless they have a friend or family member who is grappling with it. I’ve also discovered that people really want to know what the heck Multiple Sclerosis is, […]

Read More

Tuesday.

I had a super crappy day. What happened today exactly? Looking back at it in its entirety at 9:30pm… well, nothing really. We’ve all had them; those days when everything is frustrating and awful and annoying from the very moment you wake up. Every person you interact with is a total moron and you feel […]

Read More

a Single disease.

Everyone with MS has a partner. At least it feels that way. Sometimes. I follow and read several MS blogs now, and there is one recurring theme that I just cannot relate to; how it involves their partners. This is not necessarily a complaint. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. We all know that the […]

Read More

Guilt.

I have Multiple Sclerosis and I feel guilty. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, and I hear this might be pretty normal. The topic of “MS and Guilt” has appeared in quite a few online articles lately and with good reason. I feel guilty because I am too tired to do anything […]

Read More

Hangry.

I am very into food. I do have a serious, ongoing, life-long love affair with movies, but food is a close second. Take me to an innovative new restaurant or buy me a pizza bagel on the streets of New York and I am one happy kitten. Foie gras literally makes me purr. So in […]

Read More

i ❤️ steroids

Steroids are a real bitch. Okay, maybe I should start that over by first putting a huge thank you out into the universe because without steroids I would be blind in my right eye, and who knows what else. Steroids are a miracle drug that immediately reduce dangerous inflammation and are a genius invention that […]

Read More

MS Dating 911.

Dating. What a truly horrific thing to embark on in your 40s. Especially in Los Angeles. I have to be honest; most of the men here my age who don’t have a recently abandoned family are…mmmmm….not quite right. Something tends to be a bit off with these guys and it really doesn’t help when you […]

Read More

overcome.

I love movies. When they are well made or innovative or emotionally connected or all of the above, movies are my favorite thing of all the things. Last week I saw A Quiet Place and experienced something for the first time as a movie-lover. I felt the weight of the world, the stakes of a […]

Read More

the little things.

Last night was an enormous breakthrough. I slept on my right side. My entire life I’ve been a right sider in all things, including sleeping. I don’t have a “side of the bed” preference, except that I like to be the furthest away from the door… unless there’s a window which really makes things confusing… […]

Read More

MS or Mammoth?

When you have MS, sometimes it is hard to know if your body is responding to the disease or just regular old human things like being 9000 feet above sea level. It’s a conundrum. When I was first diagnosed, my neurology team told me all about extreme hot weather and avoiding jacuzzis and saunas… apparently […]

Read More