the chicken or the egg

My recovery from Covid is making me very emotional. To be fair, people have always told me that I am overly sensitive. And I do cry a lot. Not over personal things or big things or real life things, but all of the little things that ultimately have nothing to do with me. That swell […]

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MS Myth of the Week: Kiddos.

Myth: People with MS shouldn’t have children. I personally don’t want to have children at this point in my life and I am really, really good with that decision. There were several years in my 30s where I dreamed of kids and felt it was something I needed to experience. Now, in my 40s, single […]

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new tricks.

My dad has never been a dog person and he is falling in love with mine. I am in my hometown, exploring the breathtaking marshes and soft, white sandy beaches. Meditating on bittersweet memories and mulling through ideas as I always do when I visit the home of my beloved and missed mother. I took […]

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MS Myth of the Week: Exercise.

Myth: Exercise is bad for you if you have MS. The day I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis my neurologist went over a huge list of things I should know about my disease. Thank goodness I had a friend with me to be my advocate, because in that moment about 9 out of 10 of […]

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random acts Of Fear.

In my 20s I convinced myself I had drowned in a past life. We all have fears, yet some run deeper than others. Just like the mystery of MS, extra special phobias can seemingly come out of nowhere but feel like they are a part of our very core. Impenetrable and immovable, random but ever […]

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MS Myth of the Week: The Chair.

I was recently ghosted because my date found out I have Multiple Sclerosis. This happens to be one of my top 5 MS fears and I will delve deeper into this topic as well as my personal experience in an upcoming post. But the triggering of this fear has motivated me to expand my writing […]

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a freedom of limitations.

There is freedom in discovering your limitations. About 9 months ago I wrote a post about my dreams of disability. Dreams of going about my life with less stress, less work, and an opening of the heart and mind. Little did I know this alluring gift was rocketing toward me like a silent freight train. […]

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okay, hold the Phone.

The word “okay” is incredibly underrated. Whenever I get a call or an email from someone newly diagnosed, I feel so privileged they have chosen to speak with me. To connect, to vent, to cry, to express anger, or to simply ask a few of the hundred questions we all have at the very beginning. […]

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what MS feels like: a vaccination tale.

My second Covid vaccine shot delivered in more ways than one. I am just settling into my new home in rainy Texas, but I received both of my Covid vaccination shots in sunny California. Back in my old neighborhood, I was surrounded by anxious humans scrambling to get this vaccine. People cleverly and unabashedly figuring […]

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forward.

Things feel real easy and I’m trying my best not to question it. Normally, for the most part, I feel like there is a faint headwind in my life. It’s light but consistent. Always there, pushing ever so slightly against whatever I am trying to do. I don’t like to talk about it because it […]

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my MS fixer upper.

My MS body reminds me of a reno on Fixer Upper. This show already went off-air 2 years ago but I of course just started getting hooked. Late to every trend party I am completely unashamed. I am looking to buy a house in a state that is considerably more affordable than the one in […]

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shake, shake go away.

My love of rain is helping my night tremors. Before I even realized my body was shaking and vibrating while I sleep, I began using a rain app at night. I absolutely love the sound of water. Droplets on a tin roof, pouring rain on a city street, the delicate pitter-patter against a window, pellets […]

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departing Gifts.

MS has got me thinking about my career and future in the workplace. I currently have a high-stress, C-level position and like any decent California earthquake, it is beginning to forge little cracks. Cracks in my skin and in my emotional armor, but much less noticeably, cracks in my passion for working. My parents forgot […]

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the balance.

Practicing restraint may be my biggest life challenge. I’ve been feeling so, so good. Generally speaking, since my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis. Generally speaking, since I crossed over 40 and my body began screaming for me to go to bed before 11pm and eat less junk. Generally speaking, I have been feeling great. Around the same […]

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the great Mystery.

MS is the biggest mystery of my life. The cause and origin of Multiple Sclerosis are unknown and this drives me crazy. At what precise moment did this disease make my body its new home? Neurologists seem confident I contracted MS somewhere around the age of 16. I picture myself driving my ’84 silver Honda […]

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Rage on Rivs.

I have never been so worried about a person I’ve never met. A few months ago I commented on Elan Gale’s IG post “you are my favorite person I have never met.” I don’t know Elan personally, but I have always found him to be funny and wise and kind of wonderful. I waved at […]

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hot and cold.

A little MS birdie is whispering I might have to move to Hawaii. When I got diagnosed with MS, my fancy new neurologist told me three things. You have to quit smoking. Working out (and not smoking) are the only two natural things that have been proven to slow MS progression. Heat will make you […]

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the great adaptation.

My company is making me use my vacation time and I am learning. It’s totally fair. I don’t ever take enough time off and I have now racked up enough days to gift a trip to a small army. I get it. Paid vacation is not to be taken for granted and I don’t… but […]

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thumbs up

My thumb stopped working and I feel privileged. For the past two weeks, all I can think about are the privileges I enjoy. I have been brought to my knees. I have been overcome with tears and sobs. I have been infused with sorrow and rage. As my brain and my heart weigh and measure […]

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the reality of the Situation.

My treadmill is making me question reality. 30 days in quarantine and I feel like I am staving off madness through travel. Travel via a 32″ screen attached to an oversized treadmill situated in an undersized bedroom. Yet I feel that I am actually exploring other countries. The persuasions our mind will create to survive. […]

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stains. and Space Mountain.

No one should ask me to hold anything breakable. In the last few months I have been particularly clumsy. In the old days I used to consider this a personality trait. Something that is part of my DNA and inexplicable, like how I am often peppy and I have hazel eyes. Now it’s clear this […]

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everyone has something.

I wrote a love letter to Selma Blair. Okay, not a love letter exactly but I finally wrote to the human that has been our most prominent public MS mascot since… I don’t know. Montel? Mr. Williams was quite impactful on Oprah in 2009. Actually, Jack Osbourne is very outspoken and an awesome MS champion […]

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me, myself, and I.

As Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford would say, sometimes you’ve just got to treat. yo. self. This particular Parks and Rec lesson has taken me a bit longer to learn. Maybe because I spent a significant amount of time around a grandmother who gave her entire heart away to everyone and anyone who needed it. […]

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human in training.

Living with Multiple Sclerosis while adopting a 7 month-old rescue dog is humbling. So if you were wondering why my poor sweet blog, which I love more than anything, has been left alone to wither for more than 2 months… well, puppy’s out of the bag. For my birthday this January, I welcomed a perfect […]

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can you Hear the love?

So this one time, at MS camp, a surgeon temporarily removed most of my ear. And I didn’t realize it until after I woke up. Yep, it’s finally time to tell that story. Because lately, I’ve been feeling a bit sad. A little stuck. Slightly down in the dumps I guess you could say. I’ve […]

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the religion of food.

My mom passed away two years ago and I almost called her twice this week. When incredible or horrific things happen in my life, I still have this urge to call. When I say urge, I mean I literally forget for 1 micro-second that she is no longer available to me on this Earth and […]

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Hold Your Fire.

My community is on fire and so is my heart. I may have a chronic illness and I may have chronic dating problems in Los Angeles, but I have formed a group of friends that are solid and loyal and full of love. We are all so very different, but we are there for one […]

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MS suffrage.

I had a very long, insightful conversation with a stranger and it got me wondering about my rights. The 6th day of November, 2018. Mid-terms Day, Voting Day, Election Day… Human Rights Day, in a sense. It is our special right to vote and we all know it. You see it everywhere you turn this […]

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think Higher, feel Deeper

Rock climbing documentaries are teaching me about dating. I recently saw two incredible movies which document jaw-dropping feats of the rock climbing world. If you love movies and want to be inspired check them out asap – links below. I went to these screenings certain I was in for exciting stories of men defying all […]

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